


Selfless

by GRINtelligencer



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: Arguing, Break Ups Suck, But are sometimes good, Gilbert is a good bro, Gilbert is selfless, Jealousy, M/M, More post party AU, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 12:26:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/735609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GRINtelligencer/pseuds/GRINtelligencer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gilbert goes to confront Break after the party about where they stand with each other. Little does he realise that this time he’s going to have to be selfless if he wants Break to be happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Selfless

**Author's Note:**

> For the record Gilbert/Break isn’t really a pairing I like too much, probably because I’m really fond of Liam/Break. But something about this prompt sort of stuck with me and lurked in the back of my brain until I finally gave up and wrote it. It’s not a prefect fit for the prompt and even if it subverts the prompt a lot. But, hey, I sort of wrote romance, which I really struggle with. Go me!
> 
> Prompt: “Gil finds out that Liam and Break are together and gets really jealous cause he realized that he likes Break a little more than he should. Stuttering, embarrassed, jealous Gilbert continuously making a fool out of himself due to jealousy whenever he sees them together.”

 

It was a scene so sweet, so perfect, that it deserved to be photographed and hung on the wall so people could look and it and smile. In the bed lay Break, sheets pulled up to waist, one hand lying at his side and the other lying across his stomach. His skin was only a few shades darker than the sheets that, combined with a light sheen of sweat on it hinted that his wounds were still bothering him. Seeing him asleep and vulnerable wasn’t usual, which was why he knew that he was awake and only pretending.

But that wasn’t the whole picture, the other half, that balanced it out and made it perfect was the man who was sitting in the armchair next to the bed. It was anyone’s guess how Liam Lunettes had gotten all the way to this room with the devastating wounds he had been given during the Isla Yura mansion; he was still covered in bandages as it had been less than a week since the party. Anyone with plans to ask him how he’d managed to make it through the halls of Pandora to Break’s room without being discovered, and without _passing out_ , was going to have to wait. Liam’s head rested against the side of the arm chair, his breathing was slow and even, he was clearly fast asleep.

What a beautiful show of friendship, it was exactly what the best of friends would do, be there for each other. Or maybe friends who had grown to be more through the closeness of many years, there was certainly evidence of that in the way Break curled in Liam’s direction and in the way Liam’s hand dangled off the arm of his chair, as if another hand had held it until he fell asleep. It was such a perfect scene.

And Gilbert hated every bit of it.

He was still frozen halfway into the room, which was as far as he’d been able to force himself to walk until the power of what he saw brought him to a halt. This was what Break had wanted all along, not him and his neediness and uselessness. This was what Break deserved to have.

Gilbert had already half turned on his heel when he remembered his former resolve to stay strong, to finally comfort Break. That made him turn back and creep forward just a little more, almost to the bedstead. “I know you’re not asleep.” he said softly, not wanting to wake Liam. “We need to talk.”

Break lifted one arm to throw it over his eyes and sighed quietly. “Not a good time, Gilly.”

His hands clenched as his sides. “Well, I’m not going away and you aren’t in any condition to leave so you might as well as tell me.”

That made Break lift his arm so his singe eye could blink vaguely in his direction. Now that Gilbert was looking for it it was obvious Break couldn’t see and he felt doubly betrayed for not noticing before. “What are you talking about?” he asked, slightly more loudly. “Tell you what?”

“That it’s over.” his nails were digging into his palms, he couldn’t believe Break was going to play dumb, not after what he’d dragged him through. “That we aren’t…” he flushed at the saying the words out loud, where someone could possibly hear. “Not anymore.”

Pushing himself up on one arm Break frowned in his direction. “What _are_ you talking about?” he demanded.

At that Gilbert’s temper snapped. “About _us!_ About how for the past five years we’ve been…” what was right word for it? It wasn’t lovers, it was too cold for that. Each knew the other was using him, trying to replace a hole in themselves where someone else should fit, but in the heat of the moment neither had ever cared. Break had been the one to make the offer to Gilbert, between candy and spying lessons and Gilbert had yet to ever say no to something that was bad for him.

But between them they had managed something that was more than the sum of their broken parts thrown together, something more than the bruises and the cuts and the bite marks and awkward conversation in the morning. And even though this was Break’s chance at something… better with someone _better_ , he, Gilbert Nightray couldn’t help but want to cling to him. Because Oz had--

“What am I supposed to do now?” he demanded. “I’m not just going to disappear, I’m not going to go away! You can’t just use me and--”

“Shut up.” Break snapped. He cocked his head toward Liam, obviously listening intently to see if Gilbert’s rising voice had disturbed him. But the other man simply shifted a little and winced, then settled back into a deeper sleep. “You’re an idiot, Gilly.” Break finally said, his voice soft, not just in volume but in tone as he shook his head. “My stupid, _stupid_ Gilly.”

“Well, that’s how it _is_ going to be now it is, isn’t it?” he couldn’t stop himself from taking those last few steps to the bedstead. “He,” Gilbert nodded significantly at the sleeping Liam, forgetting for the moment that Break couldn’t see it. “Has finally realized what he means to you. He has to have after what you tried to do to those Baskervilles. So now you’ve talked and worked it out and are going to be damn happy with each other.” Gilbert scowled. “And I know I should sit back and be glad you’re going to be happy but I don--”

“He doesn’t know.”

The quiet sentence halted Gilbert’s rant mid-word and took all the wind out of his sails. “B-but surely you…” he just stared at Break, shocked beyond more words. “Why does he think you fought those Baskervilles then?”

“Well, we are best friends. And he is the only friend I have.” Break pointed out dryly. “I think it rather speaks for itself. I did it all out of rage over losing my best friend.”

He still couldn’t believe it, just didn’t buy that after all this time Break was content to let that be the result of things. “Why didn’t you ever tell him? Why _don’t_ you tell him? Because I know you don’t give a damn about me but him…” he jabbed a finger in Liam’s direction. “Why don’t you tell him? I’m pretty sure he feels the same for you!” It was a low blow and knew it but he’d seen the way Liam fussed and fretted and chased after this man and if _he’d_ seen it than Break had to know.

Break didn’t answer, he just sighed and sat up further so he could run both hands through his hair, looking tired as he did so, like all the sleep in the world wouldn’t be enough.

The gesture was familiar, Gilbert had seen it a few times before and it stirred a memory to the forefront of his mind.

_There was Break, healthier, still with his sight, wrapped in the sheet of the bed, he was running his hands through his hair. Then he aimed a tired smile down at Gilbert, who was stretched out on the bed beside him. “Because… I destroy things I care about.” he said lightly in answer to the question Gilbert had asked. “Even if I don’t mean to.”_

_“What about me?” Gilbert had said._

_Xerxes Break laughed, flapping a hand at him. “I don’t care about you, Gilly. I thought you would have learned that by now.”_

At the time he’d gathered his clothes and stormed away angrily, not realizing the amount of truth he’d heard then. It took now and the way Break was looking toward Liam for the final pieces to fall into place. “You’re protecting him.” Gilbert breathed, shocked. “That’s why you never told him. You think he’ll be hurt by you eventually.”

“I’m not a gentle lover.” Break said flatly, in one of those moments of truth that he sometimes fell into with absolutely no warning. “You would know that better than anyone, wouldn’t you?” as Gilbert flushed anew he went on, “Besides, look at him,” Break reached blindly out as if he wanted to touch Liam’s face but he pulled his hand back before it brushed skin. “He’s not a fighter, Gilly, he doesn’t belong in this. He’s going to get himself killed in the next fight he wanders into. It’s better for him if he doesn’t know… it keeps him safer.”

“That… that isn’t right.” Gilbert frowned at him. “You can’t do that, Liam’ll hate it, you’ll hate, even I don’t like it very much.”

“And you have some brilliant plan that will work better?” Break’s voice dripped sarcasm. “Because if this was the best I could come up with I seriously doubt you could do better.”

“Just tell him!”

“No,” he snapped back instantly. “Out of the question.”

“Liam’s stronger than he seems and he’s the smartest contractor Pandora has, he’ll be alright.”

Break’s finger jabbed toward the sleeping Liam and his voice was a deadly hiss. “Does he _look_ alright to you? He almost died at that party, all because he was trying to help me. I refuse to let him get hurt anymore.”

“That’s not fair to Liam!” Gilbert protested.

The scowl that grew across Break’s face was a sure sign that he was starting to get well and truly angry and it showed in his words. “I thought you came in here to inform me how I couldn’t leave you to run off into the sunset with Liam not urge us to get together. I guess you didn’t much want to be with me, eh? Because you’ve switched sides awfully quickly.”

“Break…” it wasn’t fair that Break knew exactly what to say to hit where it hurt. But this… this was different. This wasn’t Break abandoning him to run off the with man he actually wanted to be with. It was Break being stupid and withholding something from himself he shouldn’t. And that wasn’t the same.

If it happened like this it was almost… better. Yes, that was it. Better.

“We’re just using each other.” he said. “And we’ve both known it all along. But you… you have a chance to get him, right here. Why don’t you take it?”

“Because it comes with unacceptable consequences.” Break snapped.

“Then if you won’t tell him, I will!” And with that Gilbert started toward the sleeper.

“Gilbert!” Break hissed, but he couldn’t stop him because he couldn’t see what Gilbert  was doing.

Gilbert reached out and shook Liam by the shoulders to wake him. He was in such a hurry to do what he’d make up his mind to do he’s forgotten Liam’s wounds and inadvertently put his hand right on top of the shoulder wound so it was more likely that the pain jolted Liam awake than the shaking. The pained noise he made had Gilbert instantly withdrawing his hands, “Oh, no! I forgot, Liam, I’m sorry!”

Blinking rather blearily up at him Liam reached up to cover his bad shoulder, both his gaze and his movements still sluggish with sleep. “Gilbert? …what’s going on?” He was frowning, since he didn’t have his glasses on he probably couldn’t see Gilbert’s expression, which was fortunate because Gilbert knew his face was mess of several different expressions warring with each other.

“Break is in…” he started strong but his voice trailed off before he could really get going. As it turned out he really wasn’t as selfless has he’d just been trying to make himself. He couldn’t bring himself to actually say it.

Liam looked sleepily from Break, who was quietly radiating rage on the bed to Gilbert, who had started to fidget. “Is something… going on?”

“Break has something really important to tell you.” Gilbert said just as Break opened his mouth to try to explain it away as nothing. The glare Break gave him was strong enough to make him wince in anticipated pain, Break was nothing if not vindictive. “But he’s being _Break_ and not telling you.”

That made Liam transfer him confused look from Gilbert to Break. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing!” Break snapped. “Absolutely nothing.”

But it was too late. Liam Lunettes’ curiosity, ability to tell when Break was being evasive, and stubbornness would have it out before long. There was nothing else Gilbert needed to do. He gave one last admonishing, “Tell him, Break. Or I’ll do it.” before he made a hasty retreat. 

That was not a conversation he wanted to be privy to. As he closed the door behind himself he suddenly found himself so tired that he had to lean against the wall opposite the door for a moment. It was like he’d been carrying something extremely heavy and he’d finally been able to set it down.

Here he thought he was coming to demand Break not leave him and he’d ended up pushing him away himself. Sometime he wished he understood how his head worked.

Gilbert fished in his coat for his cigarettes.

From inside the room he heard raised voices, then, very clearly in Liam’s voice, “Xerxes Break, you _idiot_.”

With a smile to himself Gilbert took himself off to somewhere else for a smoke.

 

**\-------------------------------**

End


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